im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When are your genitals available?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
