Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
