Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
