When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
