idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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