Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
