How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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