Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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