In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
