We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
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Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
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Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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