No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
