It's Friday. Sex?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
