I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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