Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
