Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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