i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
