I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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