I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize