The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
