Apparently you make a good broom.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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