Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
