All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize