Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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