So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
