Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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