North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
