Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
