Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
