ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize