THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
