Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
