I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
