gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
