I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
