he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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