Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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