went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
