What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
