So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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