Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
