I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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