I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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