His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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