There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
