put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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