yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
