I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
