You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
