Are we in a gay sports bar?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
