I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
