First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
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he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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