All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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