you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
