I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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