He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
