I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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