I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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