ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
