no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
