The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
