I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
