the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
