I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
