I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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