ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
