he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
