That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Me too!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
