Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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