if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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