Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Randomize
