I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
