Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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