I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
