So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
